If you’re considering EMDR, one of the first questions you’ll ask is: what actually happens?
That’s a good question to ask. EMDR sounds unusual from the outside. Eye movements. Bilateral stimulation. Eight phases. None of it maps onto anything most people have experienced before. And the unknown is almost always more daunting than the reality.
The reality is this: EMDR is structured, carefully paced, and nothing happens without your awareness and your consent. You’re in control throughout. You can stop at any point.
Here’s exactly what to expect.
Before anything else — the free consultation
Before we have a formal first session, I offer a free initial consultation. It’s a short call – around 20 minutes – where you can get a sense of how I work, ask any questions you have, and decide whether it feels like the right fit.
No assessment. No pressure. No commitment required. Just a conversation to see whether there’s enough ease and trust between us to do this kind of work together.
If it feels right for both of us, we’ll arrange the first full session.
The early sessions — history taking and preparation
EMDR doesn’t start with eye movements. It starts with conversation.
The first one or two sessions look a lot like any other therapy. We talk. You share what’s brought you to therapy and what you’re hoping to get from it. We discuss your history – the experiences that feel most relevant to what’s driving your current difficulties.
This isn’t just background. It’s how we build a map of what to work on and in what order. We’re looking for the memories and experiences that seem to be at the root of things – the ones that, when processed, are most likely to create the biggest shift.
You don’t need to describe everything in detail at this stage. We’re orienting and planning, not processing.
Then comes preparation – and this matters more than most people expect.
Before any active processing begins, we build your resources. Grounding techniques. Stabilisation skills. A safe or calm place you can return to if anything feels overwhelming. We also practise what bilateral stimulation actually feels like in a low-stakes way — so it’s not unfamiliar when it’s paired with something harder.
This phase can take one session or several, depending on what you’re bringing and how stable you’re feeling. A therapist who takes time with this isn’t stalling. They’re doing exactly what good EMDR practice requires.
Identifying the target memory
Once you’re resourced and ready, we move to identifying the specific memory – or cluster of memories – to work with first.
We do this together in a structured way. You identify the image that best represents the memory – the most vivid or disturbing part of it. You name the negative belief about yourself that the experience created. Things like “I’m not safe,” “It was my fault,” “I’m worthless,” or “I’m not enough.”
You also identify the positive belief you’d like to hold instead. “I’m safe now.” “I did the best I could.” “I’m enough.” This is what we’ll be working toward.
Then you notice the emotions and physical sensations connected to the memory – and rate how disturbing it feels on a scale of zero to ten.
That rating is called the SUDS score – the Subjective Units of Distress Scale. It gives us a baseline. We’ll come back to it throughout the processing to track how things are shifting.
The processing – what it actually feels like
This is what most people picture when they think of EMDR.
You hold the target memory in mind – the image, the belief, the emotion, the physical sensation. I begin bilateral stimulation. If we’re working online, this usually means following a moving point of light on your screen with your eyes. Sets of bilateral stimulation last around 30 to 60 seconds.
After each set I ask: “What do you notice now?”
That’s it. You report whatever comes up – a thought, a feeling, a different memory, an image, a sensation in your body. You don’t need to analyse it or explain it. You just notice and say what’s there. I guide the next set based on what you’ve shared. Then we repeat.
One therapist described EMDR processing as being like watching scenery pass from a train window. You’re not in it – you’re noticing it. That’s a useful frame.
What comes up during sets varies enormously from person to person. Some people notice the memory losing its edge quite quickly. Others move through layers of associated material before things settle. Some feel emotional during the processing. Others feel surprisingly calm. All of it is normal. All of it is part of the work.
You are fully conscious throughout. You are in control. You can stop at any point by raising your hand or simply saying so.
Installing something better
Once the distress connected to the memory has come down – ideally to zero – the focus shifts.
We bring the memory to mind again, this time paired with the positive belief you identified at the start. Further sets of bilateral stimulation strengthen and deepen that belief until it doesn’t just seem intellectually reasonable – it actually feels true.
This is one of the things that sets EMDR apart. It doesn’t just reduce the bad. It actively installs something better in its place.
The body scan – checking that the body agrees
Trauma isn’t only stored in the mind. It lives in the body too.
Even when a memory has been processed cognitively and emotionally, residual tension can remain. A tight chest. A held breath. A knot in the stomach. The body scan checks for that.
You scan yourself from head to toe. If anything remains, brief sets of bilateral stimulation target those specific physical sensations until the body also reports that the memory has settled.
A session isn’t considered complete until the body agrees. That matters.
Closing every session safely
Every session ends with a closing phase – no exceptions, regardless of where the processing reached.
We bring you back to a grounded, settled state. You use the stabilisation techniques from the preparation phase. You leave the session feeling present and oriented – not still inside the material you’ve been working with.
This is important. Processing can continue after the session ends. The brain keeps working. Dreams may become more vivid. Memories or feelings may surface unexpectedly between sessions. I’ll prepare you for this beforehand and give you tools to manage it. Keeping a brief journal of anything that arises is often helpful.
What happens at the next session
The following session begins with a check-in.
How is the target memory sitting now? Has the distress reduced further? Has anything come up between sessions worth talking about?
If the previous target is fully processed, we move to the next one. If more processing is needed, we continue. This cycle – reevaluation, then processing – repeats session by session, target by target, until the work is done.
Progress in EMDR is measurable. We can both see how things are shifting. Nothing is left vague or unresolved.
How you might feel afterwards
It’s normal to feel tired after processing. Some people feel emotionally tender for a day or two. Others feel a quiet sense of relief – lighter, as though something has been put down.
Neither of these is a sign that something has gone wrong. They’re signs that the brain is doing exactly what EMDR is designed to facilitate.
Ready to find out more?
If you’d like to understand what EMDR can help with before you start, the hub post on what EMDR therapy is gives the full picture. And if you’re not yet sure whether EMDR is the right approach for your particular situation, this post on whether EMDR is a good fit is worth reading first.
I work online with individuals across the UK and internationally. Sessions are 60 to 90 minutes. I offer a free initial consultation — no pressure, no commitment. Just a conversation.
[Book your free consultation here] — online sessions available worldwide
Gareth Taylor is a Professional Accredited Member of the NCPS (PNCPS Acc.) and a qualified counselling supervisor. He is an EMDR-trained therapist working online with individuals across the UK and internationally, supporting people with trauma, PTSD, anxiety, depression, grief, low self-worth, and a wide range of other presentations.
