You get through your day.
You work, you show up, you do your best.
But inside, there’s a quiet ache.
Someone who once mattered deeply to you… is no longer here.
Not because they’ve passed away, but because something shifted.
A child who stopped calling.
A relationship that slowly faded.
A bond you didn’t choose to lose.
And now, there’s this strange, invisible loss. One that doesn’t come with sympathy cards or rituals. But it’s real. It lingers. It hurts.
When Someone Is Gone, But Not Gone
This is what we call living grief.
The grief of losing someone emotionally, even though they’re still physically in the world.
Maybe it’s a family member who cut contact.
Maybe it’s a partner who’s grown distant.
Maybe it’s a version of someone you loved, the way they used to be.
You scroll past their photos.
You think of texting, then don’t.
You tell yourself you’re fine… but you still check your phone just in case.
This is loss without closure.
This is heartbreak that keeps its voice down.
This is grief that doesn’t get named, but asks to be felt.
You Don’t Need a Funeral to Feel This Loss
Living grief doesn’t come with ceremony.
There’s no one saying, “Take time to heal.”
In fact, people might say things like,
“At least they’re alive”
or
“You’ve just got to move on.”
But here’s the thing:
You can be grateful someone’s alive – and still deeply miss who they were to you.
You can accept reality – and still feel the ache of what used to be.
You’re not dramatic.
You’re not holding on too tightly.
You’re human.
And what you’re feeling makes sense.
You Grieve What Was. You Mourn What Could Have Been.
This grief carries layers.
It’s not just about missing someone.
It’s about all the things you thought would still happen.
The future moments.
The second chances.
The repair you hoped for.
You didn’t get a goodbye.
You didn’t get closure.
And in that space, your mind keeps looping back, wondering…
Could it have been different?
That kind of uncertainty is exhausting.
It takes energy to carry something invisible…every day.
So What Do You Do With Grief That’s Still Alive?
You start by giving it a name.
And then, you give yourself permission to feel it.
There’s no fixed process, but here are a few small steps that matter:
- Acknowledge it’s real.
Stop telling yourself to get over it.
Start allowing yourself to be in it. - Make space for ritual.
Light a candle.
Write a letter you never send.
Visit a place that grounds you.
Let your body and soul honour the loss in your own way. - Speak it out loud.
Whether it’s to a friend, a therapist, or even into a journal, give your grief a voice.
It doesn’t need to be tidy or eloquent. Just honest. - Reconnect with what anchors you.
You may not be able to bring that person back.
But you can come back to you; your needs, your identity, your resilience.
Grief doesn’t end when someone walks away.
But neither does your ability to grow around the pain.
You Don’t Have to Pretend You’re Fine
This kind of grief can make you feel invisible.
Because no one sees what’s missing, they only see you carrying on.
But you don’t have to hold it alone.
You’re allowed to feel it.
You’re allowed to talk about it.
You’re allowed to miss someone, and still move forward.
How Counselling with Gareth Taylor Counselling Can Help
If you’re living with this kind of grief, you’re not broken. You’re human. And you don’t have to carry it all on your own.
At Gareth Taylor Counselling, I offer a warm, welcoming space to explore the complexity of living grief. Whether it’s family estrangement, the breakdown of a relationship, or a sense of loss you can’t quite name, we can sit with it together. No pressure. No rush. Just space to be.
Because sometimes, the greatest healing starts by simply being heard.
Gareth Taylor is an integrative counsellor and psychotherapist based in Kent, UK offering in person and online therapy.
Wherever in the world you may be, please visit:
www.garethtaylorcounselling.com
or email me at: info@garethtaylorcounselling.com
